


ain’t enough (eternal original live version)

by thunderylee



Category: KAT-TUN (Band), NewS (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, Consensual Infidelity, M/M, established jin/meisa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-07
Updated: 2013-11-07
Packaged: 2019-01-16 02:20:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12333510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: With everything that’s changed since Jin got married and had a baby, Yamapi picks his battles.





	ain’t enough (eternal original live version)

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck. written for shiritori.

Pink nipples stare back at Yamapi as he opens the refrigerator, blinking at the entire rack of baby bottles. “Where’s the beer?”

“In the bottom drawer,” Jin calls back, like it’s completely obvious that he would keep beer in the vegetable crisper and Yamapi’s a moron for not knowing that, but Yamapi just sighs and grabs two nipple-free bottles. With everything that’s changed since Jin got married and had a baby, Yamapi picks his battles.

(“At least he _has_ beer,” Ryo had remarked the first time they all hung out after Theia was born. “When aniki had his first kid, there wasn’t liquor to be found. My sister-in-law acted like the baby would down a shot of Jäger at two weeks old.”)

Meisa doesn’t run that tight of a ship, Yamapi thinks, grinning as he finds the bright side and tosses Jin a beer. It’s been a little hectic since Meisa went back to work and Jin started working on his album, not to mention Yamapi’s been busy with his own business, so even just an afternoon while Meisa takes Theia over to her parents’ house is better than nothing.

“Life is hard,” Jin mutters, slumping on Yamapi like they’re teenagers again and a senpai had yelled at them for goofing off backstage. Sometimes Yamapi still sees that mischievous brat when he looks at Jin, taking him back to his own youth that seems so long ago. It’s a pleasant feeling, the nostalgia of it all, even if it hurts a little that they’re not as close as they were.

You never forget your first kiss, after all. Even if it was an accident.

“Growing up sucks,” Yamapi declares, and Jin nods as he flips through the television stations. Jin’s hair smells like fruit, inevitably whatever shampoo Meisa buys for them, but it’s no worse than the girly shit Jin used to buy on his own that infiltrated Yamapi’s senses whenever they sat like this.

Jin heaves the sigh of a thousand men, and somehow his weight feels lighter on Yamapi’s shoulder afterward. “I miss you.”

Yamapi pokes him in the side. “I miss you, too.”

“Meisa said I could still…” he trails off, but Yamapi knows exactly how that sentence ends and his heartbeat escalates so quickly that he skips a breath. “It seems wrong. She’s my wife. I’m supposed to want only her.”

“Jin.” Yamapi’s voice is cautious, but his body completely contrasts his intentions by cuddling Jin closer, his skin burning everywhere they touch.

“And it’s not fair to you,” Jin goes on, sounding like he’s working things out in his head as he speaks out loud, and Yamapi can’t decide whether he wants him to shut up or keep going. “Even if she still messes around with Maki—”

“What, seriously?” Yamapi interjects, disturbed at how much he enjoys the implication of that mental image. He hasn’t been attracted to women in years. “And you’re okay with that?”

Jin shrugs. “She still comes back to me and our daughter. I know what it feels like to love more than one person at once, so I don’t begrudge her her girl time.”

“Even if you don’t get your boy time?” Yamapi teases, though it turns out to backfire when Jin turns in their embrace, pressing his nose to Yamapi’s neck.

“What do you think I’m trying to do here?” Jin asks, chuckling a little as he more or less flops on Yamapi’s chest, clearly too exhausted to do much more than this for seduction purposes. “Your cologne smells nice.”

“I’ve had it for a while,” Yamapi says absently, more focused on how his hand lifts to sift through Jin’s hair, petting him like an overgrown cat. This part hasn’t changed at all, and Yamapi calms down at the comfortable reminder that Jin is the laziest lover in the history of ever. “How did you even make that baby?” he mocks. “Did Meisa-san have to throw you down and take it herself?”

“It’s different with her,” Jin replies quietly. “With you, I don’t have to be aggressive. I like that.”

“You would,” Yamapi scoffs, but he’s smiling into Jin’s hair as he feels Jin’s own heartbeat speed up. “You know if we do this I’m going to fall in love with you again, right?”

He hadn’t meant to be so blunt, but it needed to be said, and Jin just nods at the powerful words. “See, that’s the difference between you and me—I never fell out of it to begin with.”

“Jin,” Yamapi breathes, but Jin’s already lifting his head and Yamapi’s more surprised at the effort Jin exerts to make the first move than the feel of those lips against his. It’s nothing obscene, just a soft kiss that somehow regresses Yamapi back five years while welcoming him home at the same time.

But Yamapi’s not twenty-three anymore and while everything within him is screaming to keep going, revisit these old feelings, give into the urge he’s been suppressing ever since Meisa found out she was pregnant, deep in his heart he knows it’s not a good idea. There’s no doubt in Yamapi’s mind that Jin does love them both, but Yamapi can’t accept that. It’s all or nothing with him.

“We can’t do this,” he says, sounding more regretful that he intends, and nothing breaks his heart more than the sadness in Jin’s eyes when Jin pulls back and looks at him. “It’s not fair to me.”

“I already said that,” Jin replies, surreptitiously licking his lips, where Yamapi’s gaze drops. “Not even a little bit?”

“You made your choice, Jin.” Yamapi’s voice is calmer than it should be, the bitterness from being dumped for Meisa still lingering even after all this time, even though he understands why Jin did it and they promised to be best friends forever. “We can sit like this, but that’s as far as it can go. I’m sorry.”

“One more kiss?” Jin asks, pouting like a true twelve-year-old in a twenty-nine-year-old’s body, and Yamapi doesn’t even try to fight against it. He manages a weak grunt of disapproval as he leans in, kissing Jin harder than he means to, because it’s the last time and he wants Jin to know what he’s given up.

Jin falls lax in his arms, reminding Yamapi of cramped closets and cold nights, and for a while Yamapi lets himself forget about Meisa, forget about all the bottles of milk in the fridge with their huge rubber nipples and just hold Jin close to him, making the most out of these final minutes.

They break apart naturally, and Yamapi gives Jin credit for not trying to kiss him again. He’d said one more and he’s a man of his word. Sometimes.

“I will always love you,” he says seriously, looking Yamapi right in his eyes, shamelessly shining with the inevitable tears of harsh reality.

Yamapi just hugs him tighter, biting back the words that will make him feel even worse, and composes himself enough to say, “Maybe our next lives will be less complicated.”

That gets a laugh out of Jin, which had been Yamapi’s sole intention, because even though he’s the one who’s hurting here, seeing Jin cry upsets him the most. He smiles along with Jin, even when all he can do is roll his eyes at Jin’s next statement:

“In our next lives, I hope we’re girls.”


End file.
